So we left off last time with the first 7 chapters of this great book I just finished reading the other weekend. What did you guys thing? Are you ready for more? Well, here are the main points again that I enjoyed:
Whatever choice you make, focus on where your passion truly lies.
If you like to write or have a knack for words, consider making a blog. Also, don't focus too much on what others have or have not done.
Be curious about everything, but ruthless in what you get involved with.
I would think that most people would automatically know this little tidbit of information. But I guess not. I'm sure you've all heard of someone investing money into a friend's business with huge promises of more than satisfactory returns only to wind up broke and downtrodden later. That's the scenario that came to mind first when I read about being ruthless with what you get involved with. This also goes well with something else Mitch mentioned in his book about the "long tail". The internet saves EVERYTHING you ever put on it. Be careful about what you decide to put up for all of the world to see. If you get involved with the wrong thing, it could come back to bite you in the arse some day.
Traffic does not equal community.
In order to really push things forward and grow you newfound media properties, it's important to stay focused on why you are doing this in the first place. Are you doing this to become Internet famous? Will you measure your success only by the revenue you've received from ads and the like? Well then good luck defining serious business goals and maintaining ongoing development later on down the line. Focus on building community and not traffic.
Never underestimate the power of what asking a good question can do to create content and to give you ongoing feedback.
Alot of people are afraid of asking questions because they are scared of not getting any responses. You'll be surprised to find out, however, that approximately only 2% of people online actually comment. So why bother you ask? Well, asking questions helps keep your content alive for a longer period of time. It will also lead you to do a lot more self-analysis of your industry and business. Asking questions is always one of the best ways to start a conversation.
Finding and defining your niche is not easy.
I've experienced this firsthand. I can name a million and one things I enjoy doing (reading is one of them obviously lol) but ask me if I've found my niche and eh I'd say I'm not quite there yet. But I was pleased to read in this book that the majority of people who have found and defined their niche well probably stumbled upon it rather than strategizing and plotting their success. That really makes you want to try out every idea that's ever just popped into your head while in the shower, working out, or while sleeping, doesn't it? Also remember that you don't have to be thinking leaps and bounds into the future. Another point brought out was many people struggle to uncover their niches because what they love to do is not directly linked to what they do professionally. However, alot of times, your unique hobbies do intersect with your business and can be adapted to help your business grow. In the book, Mitch states an example of such by writing about Scott Monty. You'll find his story interesting because he found a way to combine his marketing profession with his love of Sherlock Holmes O_o...yeaaaa I know but just read it lol. It's actually very thought provoking.
Always be experimenting.
The win is not in creating something that appeals to the masses. Your personal win will be in leveraging the power of a very specific and unique niche that you can serve, protect, and call your own. Remember to embrace your community as they become more and more passionate about your niche.
Burn the ships!
The "burn the ships" point comes from a true story. Hernando Cortez was the captain of 11 ships that were headed to Mexico. As you know, back then sailors and other men on the sea were oftentimes not in the best of shape because of being on the sea so long and because of lack of modern medication. Well the crew asked Cortez what the plan would be if things did not work out for them as planned when they reached thier destination. His response? He burned the ships. By doing this he showed that there was no going back. It was out with the old way and in with the new. So how do you burn your ships? Mitch tells you how!
People have a very intimate and personal link with their mobile devices.
Just about everyone I know can relate to this. I'm borderline nomophobia I believe lol because I feel absolutely lost if I leave my phone at home by accident and I know I will be gone for the majority of the day. Mostly everyone nowadays is a "digital nomad." This means that we no long have to be tied down to a landline or a desktop computer when we want information or to connect to other people. Dozens of places (even Krystal's and Taco Bell!) have wifi. With that being said, focus on mobile marketing but not mobile advertising. If it's done right by respecting the consumer and the relationship they have with their mobile device, the long-term outcome will be that you've managed to build a new and loyal database with huge growth potential.
The new rules of the new mobile movement:
1. New device = new rules. 2. Think in terms of tribes, not mass. 3. Mobile adds a new dimension to all messages - make it work for the person in control of the device. 4. If you try to port an old way of doing things in another channel to these channels, it will fail. BURN THE SHIPS. 5. Think about what we had before podcasts and start from there to build with success. 6. If you can port content from TV to computer to iPhone, think about the level of control the user has. 7. Start building a permission-based list of people who do want to be contacted via mobile. 8. Think about building a mobile app. 9. Offer compelling incentives. 10. Establish conversation.
Weren't those some awesome things to think about? Mitch leaves you with this thought in his book. "Six pixels of separation is not about how you can connect your business more efficiently in these online channels to be successful. It's too late for that. We are all intrinsically connected. In this world of interconnectedness, the bigger question is, How are you going to spread your story, connect, and add value to your life and the people whose lives you touch? How are you going to explore your network to grow your net worth? How are you going to add tremendous value to a brand, product, or service that can always be made cheaper and afaster by someone else? How are you going to connect and stay connected?" (Italics theirs.)
It looks like we all have alot more thinking to do. The tools are there before us and easily accessible. What are we going to do with it all? Will we have the determination, ambition, and passion to take advantage of what is there? What will you do? Please sound off below if you like. Did you find this information helpful in making you think more about what you can do for your business? I encourage each and every one to read this book in its entirety. You will not regret partaking of the knowledge that Mitch Joel has shared with each and every one of us.
~BB~
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Six Pixels of Separation by Mitch Joel... Part 1 (Chapters 1-7)
I've never made two posts about the same book before but OMG I loved this book so much that it just must be done. I learned so much and at the same time I read about things that I already knew about, however, I just never thought about in depth before. So that I don't give out too much information about the book (I strongly encourage you to read it), I'll just point out a few specific things. These points were either italicized in the book or just things that I highlighted.
You don't have to be a computer whiz or a member of the Geek Squad to make the online channel and communities work for you. Thanks to the different media outlets like YouTube and Blogger :-), people are able to connect and engage with millions of other people worldwide. It is through digital channels like these that we are all connected.
Making real money as an entrepreneur is all about adding value.
You should match your products and services up to consumers who are looking for them. You want to preferably do this at the moment they are looking for it. That is why so many are drawn to the contextual ads that companies like Google offer. With these you can show your consumers different things pertaining to your site (and also their interests) and at the same time, you gain some moulah. You also want to make sure that your business is present on the search engines. This draws more traffic to your site.
The big idea in a world of Six Pixels of Separation is to embrace community as the new currency.
This is one point I read over and over and over in this book. Community is everything! Your goal for your business is to connect to the right people and connect to similar others. The SPS world is where mass brands are overtaken by personal brands. Individuals are connecting to very specific niche content and media that they are choosing and controlling. You also must sometimes warm up to networking. You network to build your circle of influence by adding value to your community and helping others get what they want.
There are six social needs in order to help entrepreneurs understand how to create better affinity with their consumers.
1. Online social networks provide people with the ultimate tool for defining and redefining themselves. 2. The need for autonomy, recognition, and achievement are essential to our self-worth and are fulfilled in online communities. 3. People have a need to both seek help from and provide help to others. 4. Online communities are becoing the way people find, create, and connect with others. 5. A sense of belonging or affiliation alone is not equal to true community. 6. People want to be reassured of their worth and value and seek confirmation that what they say and do matters to others and has an impact on he world around them.
Digital marketing is about being slow.
The older the content of your site, the longer it has been online and searchable through the engines, the more people who have linked to it, shared it, and tagged it, the more valuable it is. Content rises to the top of Google based on how long it has been available and how valuable it has been to the online community. Important and valuable sites don't get to that state overnight. IT TAKES TIME. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can post your content and start gaining your online community and their trust. Trust is always built slowly and over time. In order to gain this trust, you must be consistent in everything you do.
Online etiquette: Respond quickly and honestly
It is extremely important that whenever someone comments on your site or blog, emails you, interviews you, or podcasts about you MUST respond. It shows others that you are reading, paying attention, and most importantly appreciative. Nothing stinks of insincerity more than a person using these new digital channels who is not listening to the other conversations. Also, when you speak to people, do it as a human being and not a press release. The key is to always add value and push the conversation forward. Nobody likes someone who is taking part with the sole intent of pimping their own agenda.
It's not just about the internet anymore: think mobile too
I think this part really stuck out in my head especially when I think about how many times a day I'm messing with my iPhone lol. Get your website into a mobile version and encourage your customers to help you be more present. Doesn't that make so much sense when you think about it? I don't know a single person that likes to leave home without their cell phone (besides the occasional ugh I'm so tired of being plugged into the system moments). So what better way than to always engage your consumers and keep your brand in the forefront than by focusing on mobile content.
In this digital age, your personal brand will be your most powerful ally or enemy.
You should always take out time to do what Mitch calls a personal brand audit. Do a search through Google or another search engine on your name and your business. Check your Google alerts. If you have a blog, join Technorati. There's also a three step process he mentions for auditing yourself on Facebook. Make sure you join LinkedIn. Also, remember that your personal brand is all about strategy and not about tactics. Understand who you are and know what you stand for.
So much information and not the same amount of time. :-( But no worries! Next week, please join me to learn about the contents in chapters 8 through 14. They talk about the subjects digital darwinism, from mass media to mass content, burn the ships (which is all about giving up the old ways of doing things and defining new ways), and digital nomads. In the meantime, go to your local Barnes & Noble or Borders or what have you and find this book! Even if you just look through the table of contents, I'm sure you'll find at least one chapter you would like to learn more about. I promise you that you will not be disappointed.
~BB~
P.S. What were your thoughts on my blog for this week? Were there any subjects that I touched on that you would like to hear more about? The comments section is for you guys! I'd love to hear feedback, suggestions, complaints, or even just everyday thoughts on how the online world is fast becoming our real world more and more. Let me hear from you!
You don't have to be a computer whiz or a member of the Geek Squad to make the online channel and communities work for you. Thanks to the different media outlets like YouTube and Blogger :-), people are able to connect and engage with millions of other people worldwide. It is through digital channels like these that we are all connected.
Making real money as an entrepreneur is all about adding value.
You should match your products and services up to consumers who are looking for them. You want to preferably do this at the moment they are looking for it. That is why so many are drawn to the contextual ads that companies like Google offer. With these you can show your consumers different things pertaining to your site (and also their interests) and at the same time, you gain some moulah. You also want to make sure that your business is present on the search engines. This draws more traffic to your site.
The big idea in a world of Six Pixels of Separation is to embrace community as the new currency.
This is one point I read over and over and over in this book. Community is everything! Your goal for your business is to connect to the right people and connect to similar others. The SPS world is where mass brands are overtaken by personal brands. Individuals are connecting to very specific niche content and media that they are choosing and controlling. You also must sometimes warm up to networking. You network to build your circle of influence by adding value to your community and helping others get what they want.
There are six social needs in order to help entrepreneurs understand how to create better affinity with their consumers.
1. Online social networks provide people with the ultimate tool for defining and redefining themselves. 2. The need for autonomy, recognition, and achievement are essential to our self-worth and are fulfilled in online communities. 3. People have a need to both seek help from and provide help to others. 4. Online communities are becoing the way people find, create, and connect with others. 5. A sense of belonging or affiliation alone is not equal to true community. 6. People want to be reassured of their worth and value and seek confirmation that what they say and do matters to others and has an impact on he world around them.
Digital marketing is about being slow.
The older the content of your site, the longer it has been online and searchable through the engines, the more people who have linked to it, shared it, and tagged it, the more valuable it is. Content rises to the top of Google based on how long it has been available and how valuable it has been to the online community. Important and valuable sites don't get to that state overnight. IT TAKES TIME. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can post your content and start gaining your online community and their trust. Trust is always built slowly and over time. In order to gain this trust, you must be consistent in everything you do.
Online etiquette: Respond quickly and honestly
It is extremely important that whenever someone comments on your site or blog, emails you, interviews you, or podcasts about you MUST respond. It shows others that you are reading, paying attention, and most importantly appreciative. Nothing stinks of insincerity more than a person using these new digital channels who is not listening to the other conversations. Also, when you speak to people, do it as a human being and not a press release. The key is to always add value and push the conversation forward. Nobody likes someone who is taking part with the sole intent of pimping their own agenda.
It's not just about the internet anymore: think mobile too
I think this part really stuck out in my head especially when I think about how many times a day I'm messing with my iPhone lol. Get your website into a mobile version and encourage your customers to help you be more present. Doesn't that make so much sense when you think about it? I don't know a single person that likes to leave home without their cell phone (besides the occasional ugh I'm so tired of being plugged into the system moments). So what better way than to always engage your consumers and keep your brand in the forefront than by focusing on mobile content.
In this digital age, your personal brand will be your most powerful ally or enemy.
You should always take out time to do what Mitch calls a personal brand audit. Do a search through Google or another search engine on your name and your business. Check your Google alerts. If you have a blog, join Technorati. There's also a three step process he mentions for auditing yourself on Facebook. Make sure you join LinkedIn. Also, remember that your personal brand is all about strategy and not about tactics. Understand who you are and know what you stand for.
So much information and not the same amount of time. :-( But no worries! Next week, please join me to learn about the contents in chapters 8 through 14. They talk about the subjects digital darwinism, from mass media to mass content, burn the ships (which is all about giving up the old ways of doing things and defining new ways), and digital nomads. In the meantime, go to your local Barnes & Noble or Borders or what have you and find this book! Even if you just look through the table of contents, I'm sure you'll find at least one chapter you would like to learn more about. I promise you that you will not be disappointed.
~BB~
P.S. What were your thoughts on my blog for this week? Were there any subjects that I touched on that you would like to hear more about? The comments section is for you guys! I'd love to hear feedback, suggestions, complaints, or even just everyday thoughts on how the online world is fast becoming our real world more and more. Let me hear from you!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf by Ntozake Shange
As some of you may know, the movie based on this book is coming out in theaters Nov. 5th. They've already had the premiere in New York not too long ago. Since it will be out soon, and some people have no idea what it's about really, I've decided to blog about this particular book (actually it's a choreopoem) this week. The critics love it. Martin Gottfried of the New York Post said, "These poems and prose selections are...rich with the author's special voice: by turns bitter, funny, ironic, and savage; fiercely honest and personal." William A. Raidy of L.I. Press/Newhouse Newspapers exclaimed, "Ntozake Shange's extraordinary 'choreopeom'...is a dramatic elegy for black women with an undercurrent message for everyone. Its theme is not sorrow...but courage. Its strength is its passion and its reality....An unforgettable collage of one woman's view of the women of her race, facing everything from rape to unrequited love....Wisdom and naivete go hand in hand. Wounds and dreams intermingle; strong passions melt into simple courage."
I've had this book only since August. I read it while riding up to Chicago with a friend. I must say some parts I had to read twice. But that is only because when it comes to poems I favor the rhyming type more than the feel-it-in-your-soul type. I mean I enjoy a good non-rhyming poem every now and then but I'm just more inclined to read the other. Anyway, let's get started, shall we?
For starters, the poem is about seven ladies of color (represented by different colors) who go through happy and also sad moments in life that include abandonment, rape, love, and even abortion. The ladies are known in the book only by their colors which are brown, yellow, purple, red, green, blue, and orange. They live in Chicago, Detroit, Houston, Baltimore, San Francisco, Manhattan, and St. Louis, respectively.
One part I found funny is found on pages 49-54 and starts with lady in green and ends with lady in blue. According to the contents, the poems are called somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff and sorry. In the first poem told by lady in green, she talks about her stuff (her being, her style, everything that makes her her) and a lover taking it. Sometimes in relationships, women are giving of themselves so much that they don't realize that they're giving everything away. Usually when they do realize it, they've come out of the relationship a completely different person as if they let someone walk off with all of their stuff. Some of the poem goes, "It waznt a spirit took my stuff/waz a man whose ego walked round like Rodan's shadow/was a man faster n my innocence/was a lover/i made too much time for/almost run off wit alla my stuff/& i didn't know i'd give it up so quik/& the one running wit it/dont know he got it." Then at the end the other ladies get involved and talk about common things a guy says when he says sorry like "i don't know how she got yr number baby, i'm sorry" and "now i know that ya know i love ya, but i aint ever gonna love ya like ya want me to love ya, i'm sorry." It ends with lady in blue saying how she's tired of hearing apologies. She says, " i am simply tired of collectin 'i didn't know it was so important to you'/i'm gonna haveta throw some away/i cant get to the clothes in my closet/for alla the sorries......you were always inconsistent/doin something then bein sorry/beatin my heart to death/talkin bout you sorry......i loved you on purpose/i was open on purpose/i still crave vulnerability & close talk/& i'm not even sorry bout you bein sorry/you can carry all the guilt and grime ya wanna/just dont give it to me/i cant use another sorry/next time/you should admit/you're mean low-down triflin & no count straight out/steada bein sorry alla the time/enjoy bein yrself."
The other funny poem is called no assistance and starts on page 13. I think it was humorous because of how crazy it made lady in red sound. She says, "without any assistance or guidance from you/i have loved you assiduously for 8 months 2 wks & a day/i have been stood up four times/i've left 7 packages on yr doorstep/forty poems 2 plants & 3 handmade notecards i left/town so i cd send to you have been no help to me/on my job/you call at 3:30 in the mornin on weekdays/so i cd drive 27 1/2 miles cross the bay before i go to work/charmin charmin/but you are of no assistance/i want you to know/this waz an experiment/to see how selfish i cd be/if i wd really carry on to snare a possible lover/if i waz capable of debasin my self for the love of another/if i cd stand not being wanted/when i wanted to be wanted/& i cannot/so/with no further assistance & no guidance from you/i am endin this affair/this note is attached to a plant/i've been waterin since the day I met you/you may water it/yr damn self." Of course, I was thinking from the man's point of view when reading this lol and I can't help but feel like uhhhh ok this chick is crazy O_o. From the woman's point of view, I related especially to the part about going out of my way to see a guy when I know good and well I should have been somewhere else lol. Smh glad those days are over.
I'm not sure how much the movie will be like the book. But I recommend if you're planning to see it, that you read the choreopoem first. I'm anxious to see it. I especially want to see how a night with beau willie brown will be portrayed on the big screen. That tale is drama-filled and you have to read it to fully understand it. I will say, however, that the relationship between Willie and Crystal is a crazy one indeed.
If any of you do see the movie, please come back to my blog and comment on if you liked it or not. Also, if you read the book AND see the movie, I'd love to read your take on the similarities and differences. Well, until next Thursday, ciao!
~BB~
I've had this book only since August. I read it while riding up to Chicago with a friend. I must say some parts I had to read twice. But that is only because when it comes to poems I favor the rhyming type more than the feel-it-in-your-soul type. I mean I enjoy a good non-rhyming poem every now and then but I'm just more inclined to read the other. Anyway, let's get started, shall we?
For starters, the poem is about seven ladies of color (represented by different colors) who go through happy and also sad moments in life that include abandonment, rape, love, and even abortion. The ladies are known in the book only by their colors which are brown, yellow, purple, red, green, blue, and orange. They live in Chicago, Detroit, Houston, Baltimore, San Francisco, Manhattan, and St. Louis, respectively.
One part I found funny is found on pages 49-54 and starts with lady in green and ends with lady in blue. According to the contents, the poems are called somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff and sorry. In the first poem told by lady in green, she talks about her stuff (her being, her style, everything that makes her her) and a lover taking it. Sometimes in relationships, women are giving of themselves so much that they don't realize that they're giving everything away. Usually when they do realize it, they've come out of the relationship a completely different person as if they let someone walk off with all of their stuff. Some of the poem goes, "It waznt a spirit took my stuff/waz a man whose ego walked round like Rodan's shadow/was a man faster n my innocence/was a lover/i made too much time for/almost run off wit alla my stuff/& i didn't know i'd give it up so quik/& the one running wit it/dont know he got it." Then at the end the other ladies get involved and talk about common things a guy says when he says sorry like "i don't know how she got yr number baby, i'm sorry" and "now i know that ya know i love ya, but i aint ever gonna love ya like ya want me to love ya, i'm sorry." It ends with lady in blue saying how she's tired of hearing apologies. She says, " i am simply tired of collectin 'i didn't know it was so important to you'/i'm gonna haveta throw some away/i cant get to the clothes in my closet/for alla the sorries......you were always inconsistent/doin something then bein sorry/beatin my heart to death/talkin bout you sorry......i loved you on purpose/i was open on purpose/i still crave vulnerability & close talk/& i'm not even sorry bout you bein sorry/you can carry all the guilt and grime ya wanna/just dont give it to me/i cant use another sorry/next time/you should admit/you're mean low-down triflin & no count straight out/steada bein sorry alla the time/enjoy bein yrself."
The other funny poem is called no assistance and starts on page 13. I think it was humorous because of how crazy it made lady in red sound. She says, "without any assistance or guidance from you/i have loved you assiduously for 8 months 2 wks & a day/i have been stood up four times/i've left 7 packages on yr doorstep/forty poems 2 plants & 3 handmade notecards i left/town so i cd send to you have been no help to me/on my job/you call at 3:30 in the mornin on weekdays/so i cd drive 27 1/2 miles cross the bay before i go to work/charmin charmin/but you are of no assistance/i want you to know/this waz an experiment/to see how selfish i cd be/if i wd really carry on to snare a possible lover/if i waz capable of debasin my self for the love of another/if i cd stand not being wanted/when i wanted to be wanted/& i cannot/so/with no further assistance & no guidance from you/i am endin this affair/this note is attached to a plant/i've been waterin since the day I met you/you may water it/yr damn self." Of course, I was thinking from the man's point of view when reading this lol and I can't help but feel like uhhhh ok this chick is crazy O_o. From the woman's point of view, I related especially to the part about going out of my way to see a guy when I know good and well I should have been somewhere else lol. Smh glad those days are over.
I'm not sure how much the movie will be like the book. But I recommend if you're planning to see it, that you read the choreopoem first. I'm anxious to see it. I especially want to see how a night with beau willie brown will be portrayed on the big screen. That tale is drama-filled and you have to read it to fully understand it. I will say, however, that the relationship between Willie and Crystal is a crazy one indeed.
If any of you do see the movie, please come back to my blog and comment on if you liked it or not. Also, if you read the book AND see the movie, I'd love to read your take on the similarities and differences. Well, until next Thursday, ciao!
~BB~
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Mag Moment #1...From the magazine Psychology Today October 2010...Article: Revenge of the Introverts by Laurie Helgoe, Ph.D.
For my first Mag Moment entry, I'd like to present to you an article from the magazine Psychology Today. Online this article may be found at http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201008/revenge-the-introvert. Considering how magazines are published, writing about the October 2010 issue is extremely late right now lol but I wanted to blog about this article since I didn't have this blog when I first read it. Hurry to the store though! It's only supposed to display until November 1st.
To start, simply put, introverts are those who are satisfied with internal stimulation (reflection and solitude) while extraverts thrive on external stimulation (social life and activities that boost the mood). Based on society today, you would think that there are more extraverts than introverts since they hog the spotlight so to speak. However, there are plenty of introverts around. In fact, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator personality test shows that 50% of the U.S. population are introverts. Many people think being introverted just means your extremely shy. This article helped me to see that it's not that at all. In fact, shy people find it difficult to socialize period while introverts tend to become overwhelmed with too much social engagement; they are not against it totally. Also, extraverts and introverts get a boost in mood from the company of others.
One thing that makes being an introvert seem so taboo here in the U.S. is something called a personality-culture clash. Basically, individualism and being talkative is dominant here and in Germany, whereas in other places such as Finland and East Asia, silence and privacy are values. As brought out in the article, remaining silent in verbal cultures presents a sort of problem. Many introverts feel the need to apologize and feel guilty about what works best for them because of this problem.
At the end of the article is a section entitled What Not to Say to An Introvert. Here are the things you want to avoid:
Well this ends the first ever Breezy's Books Mag Moment. I hope you found it to be brief and to the point. Also, in case some people reading this aren't avid readers, hopefully these short intermissions between my book posts will encourage you to read. Reading helps to increase vocabulary you know. :-)
P.S. The author Laurie Helgoe, Ph.D., is an author and assistant clinical professor at the West Virginia University School of Medicine. Her most recent book is Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength.
~BB~
To start, simply put, introverts are those who are satisfied with internal stimulation (reflection and solitude) while extraverts thrive on external stimulation (social life and activities that boost the mood). Based on society today, you would think that there are more extraverts than introverts since they hog the spotlight so to speak. However, there are plenty of introverts around. In fact, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator personality test shows that 50% of the U.S. population are introverts. Many people think being introverted just means your extremely shy. This article helped me to see that it's not that at all. In fact, shy people find it difficult to socialize period while introverts tend to become overwhelmed with too much social engagement; they are not against it totally. Also, extraverts and introverts get a boost in mood from the company of others.
One thing that makes being an introvert seem so taboo here in the U.S. is something called a personality-culture clash. Basically, individualism and being talkative is dominant here and in Germany, whereas in other places such as Finland and East Asia, silence and privacy are values. As brought out in the article, remaining silent in verbal cultures presents a sort of problem. Many introverts feel the need to apologize and feel guilty about what works best for them because of this problem.
At the end of the article is a section entitled What Not to Say to An Introvert. Here are the things you want to avoid:
- "Why don't you like parties? Don't you like people?"
- "Surprise, we've decided to bring the family and stay with you for the weekend."
- Don't demand immediate feedback from an introvert.
- Don't ask introverts why they're not contributing in meetings.
- Don't interrupt if an introvert does get to talking.
- Above all, they hate people telling them how they can be more extraverted.
Well this ends the first ever Breezy's Books Mag Moment. I hope you found it to be brief and to the point. Also, in case some people reading this aren't avid readers, hopefully these short intermissions between my book posts will encourage you to read. Reading helps to increase vocabulary you know. :-)
P.S. The author Laurie Helgoe, Ph.D., is an author and assistant clinical professor at the West Virginia University School of Medicine. Her most recent book is Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength.
~BB~
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Marry Him - The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb
Long title, right? Well, Breezy's here to tell you it's worth the read. Why? Because it's a long title therefore the book encompasses alot. Lol but no in all seriousness this week's book is brilliant and, of course, tailored to the ladies. However, my manly men, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't dive into this book as well. It may just surprise you with things about women that you didn't know. (Shocking!!! I mean what could there possibly be in this book that you men didn't know about women! *Please note the blatant sarcasm*)
Now is there one thing I must point out about Ms. Gottlieb. As of the publishing of this book, she is still single and in her 40s. I know, I know. I was thinking um why should I listen to any advice in this book if the author herself is still single? But I have found the book to be exactly as described on the back book flap. There it says, "Marry Him is an eye-opening, often funny, sometimes painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of the modern dating landscape, and ultimately, a provocative wake-up call about getting real about Mr. Right."
So let's dig in, shall we? First off I LOVE the quote at the beginning. "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." *sigh* That is such a wonderful feeling. Of course, then I came back to said reality and remember that lust can make u an insomniac as well lol. The next thing I must mention is the list she made of what she would be looking for if she visited the Husband Store (see joke at the beginning of the book for more details). It's hilarious but I know some women can relate. The qualities are intelligent, kind, extremely funny, curious, loves kids, financially stable, emotionally stable, sexy, romantic, passionate, compassionate, irreverent, intuitive, generous, same religion but not too religious, optimistic but not naive, ambitious but not a workaholic, talented but humble, warm but not clingy, grounded but not boring, soulful but not new-agey (feel free to take a breath here), vulnerable but not weak, quirky but not weird, free-spirited but responsible, charismatic but genuine, strong but sensitive (heard of women wanting this quality wayyyy too many times in my life), athletic but not a sports nut, open-minded but has conviction, decisive but not bossy, mature but not old, creative but not an artist, supportive of my dreams and goals, has a sense of wonderment about the world, is close to my age, good listener and communicator, flexible and can compromise, sophisticated - well-educated, well-traveled, has been around, over 5'-10" but under 6'-0" (talk about specific lol), has a head full of hair - wavy and dark would be nice but no blondes, has shared political views, has shared values, is not into sci-fi or comic books, has good taste/sense of aesthetics, health-conscious and physically fit, cares about the community at large, cares about animals, competent, handy around the house, cooks, likes the outdoors - hiking, biking, and rollerblading, likes my friends - and I like his, not moody, trustworthy, is a team player, is literary and enjoys wordplay, is math- or science-oriented, likes discussing - but not arguing about - politics and world events, stylish, stimulating, not a slob - respectful of our living space, AND finally is madly in love with me. *phew!*
Now I know it sounds horrible but, as she explained later, a married friend put her up to making a list because she didn't have one (I don't either for that matter). But when she actually took the time to sit down and make one, she began to think of her past relationships (as we all would probably do) and think about the things in those situations that didn't work for her. There...now doesn't that make the list seem just a teeny bit less horrible? :-) (Don't answer that question, men.) Anyway, I'm happy to say that by writing this list and crossing off things she could deal with not having (like cooking and height), she began to see that, like her friend suggested, maybe some of those qualities weren't that important when it came to a happy marriage anyway. So there's your first tip, ladies. If you haven't done so, make a husband quality list. Hopefully, at the end of writing it you'll see how ridiculous some of your requests are as well. If you finish your list and you still think you can find that guy, please read this book.
I'm only going to touch on a few things I enjoyed (especially since that list was enough reading in itself). One thing I found to be particularly interesting is that she said feminism totally f'ed up her love live. Not that the whole any thing you can do I can do better phase did it, but the feminism we deal with more today. Today, women have freedom and choice in every part of our lives. We can pursue careers and decide to not get married at all. Sometimes even the fact that we don't need a man can feel empowering. She's right, ladies. Right now we live in a time where we are supposed to be independent and self-sufficient and if we aren't we seem eh a little weak and needy. On top of that, we come out of our 20's and 30's believing we should have it all. To have it all means to not compromise on anything including who we choose to date. We set high standards and the higher those standards are, the more empowered we are. If we want it, we should have it. But what happens when what we want is too extreme? Well, then you end up "empowering yourself" out of a good mate. For shame.
Rest assured, this book isn't all about Lori's experiences in love. She talked with numerous women, both single and married, and even consulted some professional matchmakers. Some of my favorite chapters were Mondays with Evan. These were conversations she had with her friend, a dating coach, that led to numerous laughs and eye-openers. He encouraged her not to be a Ms. Go With The Flow type of woman but instead to be a woman that knew how to change her perspective. You've got to read them to enjoy them.
One of the last things in the book is her dating public service announcement. She ends with the words, "You want to think your ideal guy will magically land on your doorstep tomorrow? That's fine. You want to look at how you might get reasonable about the way you date so that happiness comes by easier? That's fine too. Remember, the choice is yours. You have the information. The rest is up to you."
I wish I could say the same but I didn't write the whole book out for you. So I'll just say: If you want the information to help you decide if you want to wait for your ideal guy to magically land on your lap :-) or if you're willing to change the way you look at things to find the the perfect guy for you, then read the book.
I loved this book so that I could write about it for the rest of the night. But eh I think I've said enough. :-) So get a nice warm mug of apple cider, learn to accept some positive criticism (I definitely had to while reading this), and also find your sense of humor. If you do, you'll enjoy this book. For you guys, maybe you'll find some pointers on getting the girl you like to realize that you'll be perfect for each other.
P.S. Find out more about the author at http://www.lorigottlieb.com/!
~BB~
Now is there one thing I must point out about Ms. Gottlieb. As of the publishing of this book, she is still single and in her 40s. I know, I know. I was thinking um why should I listen to any advice in this book if the author herself is still single? But I have found the book to be exactly as described on the back book flap. There it says, "Marry Him is an eye-opening, often funny, sometimes painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of the modern dating landscape, and ultimately, a provocative wake-up call about getting real about Mr. Right."
So let's dig in, shall we? First off I LOVE the quote at the beginning. "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." *sigh* That is such a wonderful feeling. Of course, then I came back to said reality and remember that lust can make u an insomniac as well lol. The next thing I must mention is the list she made of what she would be looking for if she visited the Husband Store (see joke at the beginning of the book for more details). It's hilarious but I know some women can relate. The qualities are intelligent, kind, extremely funny, curious, loves kids, financially stable, emotionally stable, sexy, romantic, passionate, compassionate, irreverent, intuitive, generous, same religion but not too religious, optimistic but not naive, ambitious but not a workaholic, talented but humble, warm but not clingy, grounded but not boring, soulful but not new-agey (feel free to take a breath here), vulnerable but not weak, quirky but not weird, free-spirited but responsible, charismatic but genuine, strong but sensitive (heard of women wanting this quality wayyyy too many times in my life), athletic but not a sports nut, open-minded but has conviction, decisive but not bossy, mature but not old, creative but not an artist, supportive of my dreams and goals, has a sense of wonderment about the world, is close to my age, good listener and communicator, flexible and can compromise, sophisticated - well-educated, well-traveled, has been around, over 5'-10" but under 6'-0" (talk about specific lol), has a head full of hair - wavy and dark would be nice but no blondes, has shared political views, has shared values, is not into sci-fi or comic books, has good taste/sense of aesthetics, health-conscious and physically fit, cares about the community at large, cares about animals, competent, handy around the house, cooks, likes the outdoors - hiking, biking, and rollerblading, likes my friends - and I like his, not moody, trustworthy, is a team player, is literary and enjoys wordplay, is math- or science-oriented, likes discussing - but not arguing about - politics and world events, stylish, stimulating, not a slob - respectful of our living space, AND finally is madly in love with me. *phew!*
Now I know it sounds horrible but, as she explained later, a married friend put her up to making a list because she didn't have one (I don't either for that matter). But when she actually took the time to sit down and make one, she began to think of her past relationships (as we all would probably do) and think about the things in those situations that didn't work for her. There...now doesn't that make the list seem just a teeny bit less horrible? :-) (Don't answer that question, men.) Anyway, I'm happy to say that by writing this list and crossing off things she could deal with not having (like cooking and height), she began to see that, like her friend suggested, maybe some of those qualities weren't that important when it came to a happy marriage anyway. So there's your first tip, ladies. If you haven't done so, make a husband quality list. Hopefully, at the end of writing it you'll see how ridiculous some of your requests are as well. If you finish your list and you still think you can find that guy, please read this book.
I'm only going to touch on a few things I enjoyed (especially since that list was enough reading in itself). One thing I found to be particularly interesting is that she said feminism totally f'ed up her love live. Not that the whole any thing you can do I can do better phase did it, but the feminism we deal with more today. Today, women have freedom and choice in every part of our lives. We can pursue careers and decide to not get married at all. Sometimes even the fact that we don't need a man can feel empowering. She's right, ladies. Right now we live in a time where we are supposed to be independent and self-sufficient and if we aren't we seem eh a little weak and needy. On top of that, we come out of our 20's and 30's believing we should have it all. To have it all means to not compromise on anything including who we choose to date. We set high standards and the higher those standards are, the more empowered we are. If we want it, we should have it. But what happens when what we want is too extreme? Well, then you end up "empowering yourself" out of a good mate. For shame.
Rest assured, this book isn't all about Lori's experiences in love. She talked with numerous women, both single and married, and even consulted some professional matchmakers. Some of my favorite chapters were Mondays with Evan. These were conversations she had with her friend, a dating coach, that led to numerous laughs and eye-openers. He encouraged her not to be a Ms. Go With The Flow type of woman but instead to be a woman that knew how to change her perspective. You've got to read them to enjoy them.
One of the last things in the book is her dating public service announcement. She ends with the words, "You want to think your ideal guy will magically land on your doorstep tomorrow? That's fine. You want to look at how you might get reasonable about the way you date so that happiness comes by easier? That's fine too. Remember, the choice is yours. You have the information. The rest is up to you."
I wish I could say the same but I didn't write the whole book out for you. So I'll just say: If you want the information to help you decide if you want to wait for your ideal guy to magically land on your lap :-) or if you're willing to change the way you look at things to find the the perfect guy for you, then read the book.
I loved this book so that I could write about it for the rest of the night. But eh I think I've said enough. :-) So get a nice warm mug of apple cider, learn to accept some positive criticism (I definitely had to while reading this), and also find your sense of humor. If you do, you'll enjoy this book. For you guys, maybe you'll find some pointers on getting the girl you like to realize that you'll be perfect for each other.
P.S. Find out more about the author at http://www.lorigottlieb.com/!
~BB~
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Brain Candy by Garth Sundem
Ugh..it's hard to believe that for my first post I'm having writer's block even though I already know what I'm going to be writing about O_o. Lol I guess that's a good thing though because this book was so awesome I'm not sure where to start. I will say though that lately I've really been into books about the brain (it goes hand in hand with my addiction to any iPhone app or game that has to do with training the brain).
I picked this book up the other day from none other than Barnes & Noble (a company I worked for for a very short period of time - however that's another story). Immediately I was drawn to the lollipop on the cover....ok so that's a lie. I was drawn to the table that said "Buy 2, Get the 3rd free". I mean who doesn't love a good book deal? Good job, sneaky B&N people. So, like most people, the first thing I did was read the back cover (it's a paperback book). What I found were phrases like "tastier than a Twizzler and more protein-packed than a spinach smoothie" and "succulent neurological nuggets." Hmmm...is anyone else hungry?? The back of the book also has a brief overview of the tidbits inside. The ones that caught my interest were why you should be writing bad poetry, the mental benefits of coffee and cigarettes (my friend Joe would love to hear about that!), and what pigeons know about art. But, the back of the book is absolutely nothing compared to the vast amount of knowledge (and huge words that I had to look up to make sure I was pronouncing right) inside. This reminds me one of those movies that your dying to see because of the previews. Then, when you finally get to see the movie, you see the wise people who put the trailer together added just the right amount of scenes to intrigue you but not enough to give the whole movie away. :-) That always makes my day. And so with that being said, ladies and gents, I hope to not spoil the book for you either.
This book is filled with science, paradoxes, logic, illogic and various puzzles. Although it jumps back and forth between these subjects, it's actually a really good thing. I'm the kind of person that likes a little distraction if I'm reading something that's important and can't be put in laymen's terms. So here are some contents that I especially liked:
All in all, I loved this book from cover to cover. I'm even reading it again but this time to a friend. My advice after purchasing this book is just to sit back with your drink of choice, a bookmark (you may not finish it in one sitting), and a pencil. You're going to love what's inside!
P.S. I plan to buy his other book The Geeks' Guide to World Domination sometime in the near future. Also, check out the author's website at http://www.garthsundem.com/.
~BB~
I picked this book up the other day from none other than Barnes & Noble (a company I worked for for a very short period of time - however that's another story). Immediately I was drawn to the lollipop on the cover....ok so that's a lie. I was drawn to the table that said "Buy 2, Get the 3rd free". I mean who doesn't love a good book deal? Good job, sneaky B&N people. So, like most people, the first thing I did was read the back cover (it's a paperback book). What I found were phrases like "tastier than a Twizzler and more protein-packed than a spinach smoothie" and "succulent neurological nuggets." Hmmm...is anyone else hungry?? The back of the book also has a brief overview of the tidbits inside. The ones that caught my interest were why you should be writing bad poetry, the mental benefits of coffee and cigarettes (my friend Joe would love to hear about that!), and what pigeons know about art. But, the back of the book is absolutely nothing compared to the vast amount of knowledge (and huge words that I had to look up to make sure I was pronouncing right) inside. This reminds me one of those movies that your dying to see because of the previews. Then, when you finally get to see the movie, you see the wise people who put the trailer together added just the right amount of scenes to intrigue you but not enough to give the whole movie away. :-) That always makes my day. And so with that being said, ladies and gents, I hope to not spoil the book for you either.
This book is filled with science, paradoxes, logic, illogic and various puzzles. Although it jumps back and forth between these subjects, it's actually a really good thing. I'm the kind of person that likes a little distraction if I'm reading something that's important and can't be put in laymen's terms. So here are some contents that I especially liked:
- Action and Free Will: You may think that 100% of the time you are the only one that can control your actions. However, the truth is you can act without knowing it, can think you've acted without actually doing so, and can intend to act and think you've acted without moving at all. Funny, right? Well Garth tells you how this can be so with the use of your parietal cortex.
- Crazy People Weren't Just Invented in the 20th Century: For instance, Roman emperor Caligula committed incest with and pimping of his sisters. Also, Christian VII of Denmark enjoyed roaming through streets beating subjects with a spiked mace and having himself stretched on the rack and flogged.
- Brain-Deflating Fallacies to Win Any Argument: These are throughout the book. You'll enjoy them. He calls them strategies to ensure dominance in debate club and/or with an unsuspecting significant other.
- Algebraic Eight-Ball: Different algebraic equations to calculate situations like at what age will technology overtake your ability to use it, the chances that he/she is the one, and men what's your sex appeal.
- Wild Kingdom: These are short paragraphs in the book about animal brains. My fave was the one about chickens liking models.
All in all, I loved this book from cover to cover. I'm even reading it again but this time to a friend. My advice after purchasing this book is just to sit back with your drink of choice, a bookmark (you may not finish it in one sitting), and a pencil. You're going to love what's inside!
P.S. I plan to buy his other book The Geeks' Guide to World Domination sometime in the near future. Also, check out the author's website at http://www.garthsundem.com/.
~BB~
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