Now is there one thing I must point out about Ms. Gottlieb. As of the publishing of this book, she is still single and in her 40s. I know, I know. I was thinking um why should I listen to any advice in this book if the author herself is still single? But I have found the book to be exactly as described on the back book flap. There it says, "Marry Him is an eye-opening, often funny, sometimes painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of the modern dating landscape, and ultimately, a provocative wake-up call about getting real about Mr. Right."
So let's dig in, shall we? First off I LOVE the quote at the beginning. "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." *sigh* That is such a wonderful feeling. Of course, then I came back to said reality and remember that lust can make u an insomniac as well lol. The next thing I must mention is the list she made of what she would be looking for if she visited the Husband Store (see joke at the beginning of the book for more details). It's hilarious but I know some women can relate. The qualities are intelligent, kind, extremely funny, curious, loves kids, financially stable, emotionally stable, sexy, romantic, passionate, compassionate, irreverent, intuitive, generous, same religion but not too religious, optimistic but not naive, ambitious but not a workaholic, talented but humble, warm but not clingy, grounded but not boring, soulful but not new-agey (feel free to take a breath here), vulnerable but not weak, quirky but not weird, free-spirited but responsible, charismatic but genuine, strong but sensitive (heard of women wanting this quality wayyyy too many times in my life), athletic but not a sports nut, open-minded but has conviction, decisive but not bossy, mature but not old, creative but not an artist, supportive of my dreams and goals, has a sense of wonderment about the world, is close to my age, good listener and communicator, flexible and can compromise, sophisticated - well-educated, well-traveled, has been around, over 5'-10" but under 6'-0" (talk about specific lol), has a head full of hair - wavy and dark would be nice but no blondes, has shared political views, has shared values, is not into sci-fi or comic books, has good taste/sense of aesthetics, health-conscious and physically fit, cares about the community at large, cares about animals, competent, handy around the house, cooks, likes the outdoors - hiking, biking, and rollerblading, likes my friends - and I like his, not moody, trustworthy, is a team player, is literary and enjoys wordplay, is math- or science-oriented, likes discussing - but not arguing about - politics and world events, stylish, stimulating, not a slob - respectful of our living space, AND finally is madly in love with me. *phew!*
Now I know it sounds horrible but, as she explained later, a married friend put her up to making a list because she didn't have one (I don't either for that matter). But when she actually took the time to sit down and make one, she began to think of her past relationships (as we all would probably do) and think about the things in those situations that didn't work for her. There...now doesn't that make the list seem just a teeny bit less horrible? :-) (Don't answer that question, men.) Anyway, I'm happy to say that by writing this list and crossing off things she could deal with not having (like cooking and height), she began to see that, like her friend suggested, maybe some of those qualities weren't that important when it came to a happy marriage anyway. So there's your first tip, ladies. If you haven't done so, make a husband quality list. Hopefully, at the end of writing it you'll see how ridiculous some of your requests are as well. If you finish your list and you still think you can find that guy, please read this book.
I'm only going to touch on a few things I enjoyed (especially since that list was enough reading in itself). One thing I found to be particularly interesting is that she said feminism totally f'ed up her love live. Not that the whole any thing you can do I can do better phase did it, but the feminism we deal with more today. Today, women have freedom and choice in every part of our lives. We can pursue careers and decide to not get married at all. Sometimes even the fact that we don't need a man can feel empowering. She's right, ladies. Right now we live in a time where we are supposed to be independent and self-sufficient and if we aren't we seem eh a little weak and needy. On top of that, we come out of our 20's and 30's believing we should have it all. To have it all means to not compromise on anything including who we choose to date. We set high standards and the higher those standards are, the more empowered we are. If we want it, we should have it. But what happens when what we want is too extreme? Well, then you end up "empowering yourself" out of a good mate. For shame.
Rest assured, this book isn't all about Lori's experiences in love. She talked with numerous women, both single and married, and even consulted some professional matchmakers. Some of my favorite chapters were Mondays with Evan. These were conversations she had with her friend, a dating coach, that led to numerous laughs and eye-openers. He encouraged her not to be a Ms. Go With The Flow type of woman but instead to be a woman that knew how to change her perspective. You've got to read them to enjoy them.
One of the last things in the book is her dating public service announcement. She ends with the words, "You want to think your ideal guy will magically land on your doorstep tomorrow? That's fine. You want to look at how you might get reasonable about the way you date so that happiness comes by easier? That's fine too. Remember, the choice is yours. You have the information. The rest is up to you."
I wish I could say the same but I didn't write the whole book out for you. So I'll just say: If you want the information to help you decide if you want to wait for your ideal guy to magically land on your lap :-) or if you're willing to change the way you look at things to find the the perfect guy for you, then read the book.
I loved this book so that I could write about it for the rest of the night. But eh I think I've said enough. :-) So get a nice warm mug of apple cider, learn to accept some positive criticism (I definitely had to while reading this), and also find your sense of humor. If you do, you'll enjoy this book. For you guys, maybe you'll find some pointers on getting the girl you like to realize that you'll be perfect for each other.
P.S. Find out more about the author at http://www.lorigottlieb.com/!
~BB~
